I usually try to make my blog posts humorous (well at least I think they're funny) but today, I really have nothing to say but am desperate to change my post from the 6 most humiliating secrets of my life. To be honest, this has been a sad day for me so far. I just feel really lonely and unproductive. Luckily the perfume of decomposing rodent has vacated my apartment, and I can actually live there again.
I have a major conundrum: I am SO lonely and depressed when I'm down in Provo, but I have better chances of getting work done (not that any progress is being made). When I'm home in Salt Lake, I'm happy and not always on the verge of tears but it is much harder for me to be productive.
I am working all the time, but I can't seem to get anywhere.
I just read and research, but when I sit down to write- I am a total wreck.
It's like the Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns is told he has every disease but they are all trying to get through the door at the same time, making it so none can get through. I know that I sound really confusing, but hopefully at least Cameron will understand :) I feel like that is a metaphor for my thesis. I have so much information and research done that it is all trying to come through the door at the same time that none of it can get through my mind, down my fingers and onto my computer. I can discuss it verbally, but I can't translate onto the paper.
I am beyond frustrated to say the least. I've tried outlining, but the same thing happens. I know which parts go where, but that is the end of it.
I have the worst writer's block, bringing me back to my conundrum. Is there a way to for me to be happy AND productive?
I can't go on like this; I have to get my thesis finished by the first week of April in order to have time to defend before the end of the semester when my whole committee takes off for study abroad and research leave.
I wish there was a pill or something to put all my personal issues on hold, just until April, then I'd deal with them later after I complete my thesis.
Why can't I just be a robot for the next 4 months? I really don't think I'm strong enough to handle all of this right now.
I didn't really want a Master's, did I?
Thursday, January 24, 2008
A Blustery Day
Posted by art history alli at 3:32 PM
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4 comments:
What the heck are you talking about? Mr. Burns was indestructible because of all he diseases trying to get in. So you are also indestructible. (Except for any small breeze that may come by, WATCH OUT)
Yes you DID want a Master's! You can do it! The end is so near, just hold on and the words will flow freely as if purging your self of all of the knowledge and understanding you have accumulated as a healing process. I am so proud that you, Alli, have the determination to achieve the goal of a Master's degree, an achievement that no other women in our family has attained! We support you 100% Trust in the Lord. He knows your thoughts and desires. He can help you. xoxox
Haley's right. You're the first woman in the family to attain a master's degree. That's huge achievement. I'm pretty jealous, sure wish I could say that about myself. You can do it...no problem!
Just think, if you get it done by April...so you can defend your thesis-->you'll be done! I know, I'm sorry that isn't very encouraging! :) I just know it will all be (& feel) worth it when it is ALL over with. And then you can just breathe and settle in with everything. I'm sure you're doing a lot better than you think you are. You've done so much work, it will all come together when you need it to. Keep a prayer in your heart and just keep plugging away. Good luck Alli!
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