I need to soften my heart...

Because I think Relief Society is full of crap. I really hate that I think that but I do.

I get to teach Relief Society this week at it’s the Teachings for Our Times lesson.  The selected Conference talk is Sister Beck’s “And Upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit”

After reading it- all I can think is how full of crap it is. She starts out talking about how women in the Church, all over the world, are struggling and facing difficult times and hard challenges. Her answer to help: 1. Personal Revelation 2. Attending Relief Society and 3. Learn the proper way to measure success.  She says, “I have felt that there has never been a greater need for increased faith and personal righteousness.” Ya right, because the reason we are all struggling is because we lack faith and aren’t righteous enough- Thanks Sister Beck, that is way comforting.

Granted, I think her section on personal revelation is wonderful and insightful and something we all can apply to our lives with more zeal. I have been trying to follow the promptings of the Spirit more regularly.  How am I to know if the revelation is from God and not just my own thoughts if I never act upon them? So I now try to act on almost all the promptings I get- like where I should go for lunch or whom to Facebook a little message to that day.  I was really inspired by Sister Bonnie Parkin when she came to talk to our stake.  She said, “Never suppress a generous thought” and I have taken that heart.  Even if I feel foolish, I have tried applying my thoughts into action. Like what President Bednar (Elder Bednar now) used to say at BYU-Idaho, you must act or be acted upon.  I choose to act upon my promptings and not have my thoughts act upon me. Back to personal revelation, a good way to continue to receive it and obtain solutions to increasingly difficult problems is to act upon it, even the little seemingly insignificant ones. Sister Beck says, “having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks.” Okay, so I am with you there Sister Beck, but as you move on to your next point, I kind of want to punch you in the face.

Let my preface this paragraph by letting you know that my all time favorite Church callings have been the one I have now, being a Relief Society Teacher, and being on Enrichment when I was a sophomore at BYU-Idaho. The older I get, the more I think Relief Society to moving away from the younger sisters/ the more I realize RS is for the “old people”. I have been blessed to attend wards all over the world and the same set up exists- the young sisters in the ward are called to be in the Primary or Young Womens… they do not attend Relief Society.  And now the RS has basically eliminated all social aspects of its organization essentially leaving the young sisters isolated.  I remember my mom going to Home Making and then to Enrichment- now they have “break out groups”- which sounds way fun (NOT!!!!!). I guess I should be grateful that I get to attend RS in my singles ward b/c once I get married or attend a family ward, I’ll mostly likely be put in Primary or Young Womens and will not return to RS until I am middle aged.  So getting to what Sister Beck says- “When Relief Society functions in an inspired way, it lifts women up and out of a troubled world and into a way of living that prepares them for the blessings of eternal life.” She continues on saying RS helps sisters increase in personal righteousness and strengthen home and families.  How can it help strengthen home and families when the sisters that have the young families cannot attend RS and they no longer have the social activities outside the 3 hour Sunday block? How can they be taught and inspired themselves when they are teaching Primary? Lets be honest, I really only attend Church to take the Sacrament and I attend my other 2 meetings only because I am obedient. 

And don’t even get me started on the “Charity” aspect of RS- actions speak much louder than words and from what I have observed just recently with my mother, I laugh with anger at her RS. My mother broke her RIGHT arm back in February- she actually told her VT (which I was shocked that she actually let her VT know) and her VT send a card. That’s it- no offer to bring her dinner or if she needed errands run or need a ride any where since she broke her RIGHT arm and she is right handed- plus she was on heavy narcotic pain meds so really shouldn’t have been driving.  Then my mother’s arm did not heal properly and she had massive corrective surgery and I happened to run into 2 members of her RS and asked them if they could get some meals into my parents… nothing. My mother ended up being the hospital for 2 nights for her outpatient surgery and nothing from her RS. Isn’t this the kind of situation where it is easy to get the RS involved and they would all be jumping to help? Granted, my parents are on a full-time mission but she is still a member of their Relief Society and my mother is a difficult person who has a hard time accepting help BUT they should have tried harder and insisted on bringing at least one meal- my poor father is so helpless it is amazing he didn’t starve to death- oh that’s right, my mother made him dinner. With one hand. While high on OXY! 

I think maybe RS needs to change its name to “Teaching, Inspiring and Strengthening hour of Church” because that is its focus.  It is no longer a society and it doesn’t really provide relief. It used to, but no so much any more. 

Now I do believe there are some amazing RS out there that do care about its sisters and provides compassionate service- I know this because my BFF Kendra is the compassionate service leader in her RS- she works on her calling constantly and helps get meals to new mothers, takes sick sisters to the doctor, and even had a schedule set up for companion/visitors for a sister who was going through Chemo so she wouldn’t be alone.  I am so tempted to go join Kendra’s ward- I bet that level of service and compassion in her ward has brought the sisters closer together and truly lifts them “into a way of living that prepares them for the blessings of eternal life.”  Maybe it’s just the wards in Holladay?

So this post has been filled with bitterness and a whole lot of anger but I am thinking more and more of the work Kendra does and it is making me feel a bit more optimistic.

I love serving in the Relief Society- well come to think of it, all but one of my callings in my adult life have been in the RS.  I am all about women and the power we posses.  We have special gifts of the spirit and I totally see Sister Beck’s point when she references President Kimball: “Thus it will be that female exemplars of the Church will be a significant force in both the numerical and spiritual growth of the Church in the last days.”- Ensign, Nov. 1979.

The Sisters Rock and basically we will be the ones to build up the kingdom of God in the last days because we listen to the promptings of the spirit by personal revelation and because we are diligent in serving even when it is hard.

I guess my anger stems from my disappointment in what I thought RS would be when I grew up.  I was looking forward to Home Making night and making cute things to help make my house a home.  I would hear my mom get nostalgic for the days when RS had a weekday lunch and the sisters would be able to socialize and get a yummy recipe to make for their families.  I was looking forward to the friendships I would make and things I would learn to help me be a better mom. Then I got to RS in college and I loved Enrichment!! It was a mix of spiritual lessons with lots of socializing.  It is hard to get to know people at Church and Enrichment helped us bond so we could then have friends to sit with and the little conversations between lessons could be more meaningful. Then they made Enrichment quarterly (once every four months) which made it 1 time during a semester- LAME. Now in my singles ward, we don’t even have it! What is there left to make RS any different than Sunday School other than its only women? We did have a RS temple night back in April which I loved- but even then it’s not like a social activity.

I think a big thing that all women struggle with is loneliness. As a single girl- I don’t have co-workers and I don’t have a ton of friends so most days, my social interaction is limited to my clients and family (and my cute kitties but they don’t really talk back!).  I am so lonely and I have a hard time making friends (I’ve been this way my entire life). RS should offer a built-in friendship but it doesn’t. I am the teacher and still most of the girls don’t know me in my RS.

I see my sisters with young kids- they don’t get to talk to adults except their husbands and the most conversation they get is between Max and Ruby or Thomas and Friends.

I see my grandmother who sits most evenings with my grandpa in their comfy rocking chairs- luckily they winter in Yuma and have the most amazing set of friends (I am so going to visit again this year and hang out with their hilarious group of friends and go to the swap meet and get shrimp tacos in Mexico and gamble at the Q casino!!). Okay- so my grandma probably isn’t the best example because her life is pretty awesome as is :)

I see my mom who hasn’t been to RS in her own language is about 8 years. She has no friends (sorry Mom but its true) and she still talks about her Alta Hills ward or her ward in Tampa (from the 70s!!). She has been in her current ward for over 20 years and most people don’t know who she is- that is sad.

Concluding this long and most likely blasphemous rant- I really love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior and that Joseph Smith restored the Gospel and Priesthood to the Earth. I know that we have a prophet to lead and guide us.  I know that Relief Society is a divinely instituted organization and that it has the power to change the world.

I also know that my heart can and will be softened so that I can teach this lesson with the Spirit to fulfill the purpose of Relief Society as outlined by Sister Beck- Teach, Inspire, and Strengthen.

 

*The Image I chose to include is “For Such a Time as This” by Elspeth Young. It is her depiction of Queen Esther. I love it and it is making me feel better- I think the women of the scriptures would be an awesome RS lesson